Guava: two stars for what is usually a two and a half star fruit. This specimen has been marked down primarily for aesthetic reasons due to its lack of colour. The seeds in guava are teeth-shatteringly hard and numerous enough to be dangerous to the idle muncher. This fruit is a juicer and a drinker, not a chomper. For an interesting eucalyptus taste, try eating the skin.

One cannot underestimate the restorative and health-inducing properties of guava juice, however. During one of my more severe bouts of phonemia, which I suffer from to varying degrees at more or less all times of the year, ranging from mild inconvenience to major inconvenience, I was bedridden for several months. In this particularly gruelling winter, I was forced to rely upon my eldest nephew to fetch and administer my daily guava juice, as well as to act as my amanuensis whenever I found it necessary to jot off some letter. I still recall the time when the mischievous tot gave me milk of magnesia instead of guava juice. I had the runs all week, and he soon regretted his scheme.